Overcoming Task Avoidance for My Neurodivergent Friends

Written by Carrie M. Johnson, MS, LMFT

The only thing I remember from my high school physics class:

“An object in motion stays in motion. An object at rest stays at rest.”

If you are like me, you struggle with some level of mild to moderate anxiety, depression and/or ADHD. I spend way too much time trying to figure out the reason I am struggling to get myself to do something I don’t want to do…instead of actually doing the thing I don’t want to do. This happened again today. My director encouraged me to start blogging so that potential clients can get a feel for my style and personality and I can get connected to the type of client that I enjoy helping most. This was already something I wanted to do, but it certainly adds a little kick in the butt when your boss suggests it.

As a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist, I wanted to write something right away to demonstrate to my director how important it was to me, but my perfectionism had really high expectations that overwhelmed me: I wanted to write about something that my clients could relate to. I wanted what I write to be helpful in some way for people who may not be able to afford therapy. I wanted it to be witty and show off my personality. All this to say, those are a lot of expectations when you have a blank page and a blinking cursor in front of you.

The worst part about my reoccurring perfectionism is that it often stops me from ever starting. If I’m not 100% confident that I’m going to be proud of the outcome, I won’t even take the first step. It’s a huge bummer and has the power to really hold me back from living life to the fullest. The worst part is: it happens unconsciously. I don’t think to myself, “well, I don’t know if this is going to help anyone, so I’m not even going to try.” No, it’s much more that when I have the thought of getting started, I feel overwhelmed by the possibilities of where to start. I don’t like the feeling of being overwhelmed and without me even realizing it, I have distracted myself from the discomfort of being overwhelmed by opening and scrolling through Instagram without a conscious thought to do so. At some point my watch reminds me to stand up and breaks the trance. It’s at that point that I realize I just wasted time and I’m no further along than I was 30…ok, fine… 50 minutes ago.

Today I had the audacity to ask myself how I would help a client in the same situation. I knew I had to explore my resistance to this task. I had to understand the unconscious forces that kept me from moving forward. So I began to write down the questions I would want to ask a client who was stuck in the same way. Then I answered them as if I was my own client. As I worked through the questions, I realized these questions could be a tool to help others who find themselves stuck in task avoidance. That realization gave me a sudden bolt of energy and motivation. It felt like I had already started! I already had a tool that I could incorporate into a blog post that just might be helpful to someone. That realization gave me momentum…an excitement to keep going. I only felt the excitement to keep going AFTER I got started.

What task have you been avoiding? You may already understand why you are avoiding it, but even so, I encourage you to go through these questions and see if you can’t break it down and make the first step to getting started, a little smaller and easier to do. I hope this helps you!

Warmly,

Carrie Johnson

Overcoming Procrastination Worksheet

What task needs to get done that I’ve been avoiding?

Why do I want to do it at all?

What makes me not want to do it (Be compassionate and curious with yourself, not judgmental)?

What would make me more confident that I could actually get it done?

What would make me more willing to get it done?

What baby steps do I need to take accomplish the task?

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Which of these baby steps am I willing to take right now?

Overcoming Procrastination Worksheet Example

What task needs to get done that I’ve been avoiding?

I need/want to write a blog post for my website.

Why do I want to do it at all?

I have learned so much from my clients and I want to share what could be helpful to others. Also, if I write content from my experience, I’m likely to attract more of the clients that I enjoy working with most. It’s a win/win for both myself and others!

What makes me not want to do it (Be compassionate and curious with yourself, not judgmental)?

I put too much pressure on myself for it to be amazing and life-changingly helpful to others. That feels overwhelming and arduous and so I never start and instead, I avoid the anxiety by distracting myself with the easy dopamine of social media and games on my phone. Meanwhile, anything would be better than nothing. I know momentum of progress helps me if I would just get started, even if it isn’t good at first. I can go back and make it better once I have something written.

What would make me more confident that I could actually get it done?

If I could just get started. If I could get started, I know I would want to write more.

What would make me more willing to get it done?

If I went to a coffee shop or library for the purpose of this one task, I would be more willing to focus on it and make some progress. If I felt proud of myself for getting started, that momentum would likely carry me through making progress. Ideas would likely lead to more ideas and a flow.

What baby steps do I need to take accomplish the task?

- I need to get out of my house with my laptop

- Maybe some caffeine in a tasty form would help me in multiple ways

- I need to just make a list of some things that I could talk about

- I need to just start writing on any one of the topic ideas and see what comes of it

Which of these baby steps am I willing to take right now?

I feel up for getting some coffee at my favorite coffee shop and making a list of ideas on my phone’s notes app. If I get excited about one of the ideas, I can start writing.